no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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