Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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