that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
