tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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