you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
