i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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