the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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