Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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