Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
they're like a gay fantastic four
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
