I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
you never un-have a 4some
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
