Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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