make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
