how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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