Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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