so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
