Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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