One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
