It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
