i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
