I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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