when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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