I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
