I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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