Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
