u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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