David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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