She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
