So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
