Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
