We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
