just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
