He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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