Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
BRING THE BAGELS
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
