Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
