its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
