When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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