omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I can't turn off my feet"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
