watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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