I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
