Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
