end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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