Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I did not marry a roomba.
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