I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
