and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
