Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
