My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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