just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
