You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
