The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
