I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
