we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
no you cant smoke seaweed
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So much rum. So many feels.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
