The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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