no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
